President Bush Declares War on Michigan

29 Jun 05 Wednesday

Bush Declares War on Michigan

By Brett M B

Toledo, Ohio

Today from Camp Dum-Az near the Ohio-Michigan border, President Bush declared war on the state of Michigan. “Michigan has been a haven to terrists for too long. Today is the end of the beginn.. -er, beginning of the end for terrists and their supports,” Bush said. “Our mission is to eradicate the multiple terrist camps in Michigan swiftly, with a minimal civilian casualties."

It was earlier this week when President Bush put together the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing - Timothy McVeigh connection. McVeigh, who often visited Terry Nichols at a farm in Michigan, was convicted and executed for his role in the bombing. It is believed that at this farm in Michigan is where McVeigh devised his plan to bomb the unsuspecting Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Bush became frustrated when he learned that he missed the opportunity to have the truth "coerced" out of McVeigh.

“We are at war with domestic terrists and we will comb through each and every state where they may or may not be.” Bush continued, “Michigan is the first step in this process. Our resolve is strong and we will smoke the domestic terrists from their holes!”

With great anticipation, Bush watches the first missile launch.

It was later learned that the initial missile launch destroyed the Soaring Eagle Casino in Mt. Pleasant, workplace of suspected terrorist Native-American Running Rabbit (Bush referred to him as "Rascaly Rabbit.") Over 1,000 gamblers and casino employees are suspected to be injured or killed. It is not yet known if Running Rabbit was at work at the time of the strike. Bush intended to send famous hunter Elmer Fudd to apprehend the Rascaly [sic] Rabbit until, to his chagrin, he learned that it isn’t yet rabbit season in Michigan.

Strategic air-strikes are planned for the cities of Detroit, Lansing, and Jackson. Bush has not given a time-table for the war on domestic terrorism but expects to have a plan for the pull out of Michigan after he’s developed a plan for the war. "Until the governor of Michigan admits to harboring terrists cells and opens the state to inspections, this war will continue!" demanded Bush. Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm was not available for comment.

* In case you missed it, the lens caps are still on the binoculars. At least he's looking thru the right end!